Bad Hospitality
by Shenlong Girl
Summary: Bad steering and worse luck land the Doctor, Jack, and Rose in three different shades of trouble. Can they all make it out together?  Nine/Jack/Rose established relationship.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Bad Hospitality  
><strong>Author:<strong> Shen  
><strong>CharactersPairings:** Nine/Jack/Rose, established relationship  
><strong>Rating:<strong> Teen  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Bad steering and worse luck land the Doctor, Jack, and Rose in three different shades of trouble. Can they all make it out together?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 7839 total  
><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Written for LJ User Wojelah in the Doctor Who Secret Santa Exchange, and thus is born from her prompts.

**Chapter One**

The Doctor spent all of breakfast time whipping two sleepy humans into a a state of excitement by regaling them with tales of their next destination. The buildings gleamed, he insisted, and on the outskirts of the capitol city of the biggest country on the planet, there sat a gloriously disorganized museum. Visitors from anywhere and everywhere in the universe were encouraged to visit it, get lost in the artifacts of other cultures, and leave something of their own to add to the collection. Some found it too chaotic, but it wasn't, not nearly; it was a monument to the idea of a melting pot. Lots to learn, and in a nice, modern environment that the whole trio would appreciate after a week spent trekking through something like medieval wilderness (though Rose did prefer that wilderness to the smelly cities that interrupted it).

So of course when the Doctor, Jack, and Rose stepped out of the TARDIS, the first thing Rose saw was brown. The grime on the street and the stained, wooden walls around her coalesced into a muddy haze that totally underwhelmed her sense of sight. A half-second later, however, a smell assaulted her. It, too, seemed... brown, if maybe mixed with gray and definitely not underwhelming. A full second after _that,_the humidity settled thickly against her skin, and it felt noticeably different than a London summer. Somehow stickier.

The picture came together when she looked over the tops of the squat, mostly-wood buildings nearby to see fat smokestacks less than a mile away. They belched a noxious substance that blew downwind and settled right on their position.

"Ugh, this air is worse than early 21st Century Bangkok." Jack's chiseled features scrunched up as Rose looked at him.

"Do I even want to know why you went there?"

"Hey, look at that- bunch of kids!" His voice was artificially high, clearly avoiding her question, but then his eyes narrowed. "Actually, do look at that. Do you think that dented tin of food is worth the uproar they're causing? Doctor, are we in the right place?"

They had exited the alley in which the TARDIS had landed, and sure enough, there were a group of small people rolling around and pulling at a warped tin as some of the city's larger denizens walked by, ignoring it. All the people were barrel-bellied, their round middles seeming to perch precariously on their two sinewy, double-jointed legs. Something about the hip region looked off to Rose's eyes until she realized that there was no bum in the area between belly and legs. It seemed they sat by folding their legs under them and sinking straight down to the ground. Long pairs of arms, also with two joints, swung along their sides and ended with surprisingly strong-looking, four-fingered hands. Finally, the people's heads struck Rose as horse-like, but thinner and with a larger jaw. The mottled oranges and browns of their skin completed the bizarre ensemble. Rose had never seen anything quite like it, like a child had formed a play-doh middle and stuck random limbs from other toys in it to create a creature that grew to be a head taller than her.

A yelp came from a child that had been shoved violently away from the tin conflict, and the culprit leapt up with surprising alacrity, taking off in a sort of careening, hopping run. Part of Rose noted that she likely wouldn't have much luck beating any of the adults in a foot race, if the kid's speed was any indication.

The altercation over, Rose started spotting other tell-tale signs of poverty, including a full-grown person sitting next to a wall and sleeping on the street. "Isn't there anything we can do to help them?"

The Doctor grimaced, then started to walk forward. "Maybe for a few around here, but overall, no. This isn't like that settlement we nudged into revolution last month. We're in the right place, the planet Kyntha, but I've obviously undershot our landing by an era, and the requirements of the time line are clear. Things aren't going to really get better for these people until one of their princes falls in love with an alien and eventually marries her. We can only hurt the planet's future by meddling in big affairs before that." He didn't look at either companion.

A little hesitantly, Rose joked, "Shacking up with an alien? Scandalous." She bumped the Doctor's hip with her own, and he looked at her at last, sparing a small smile.

"It makes for an interesting chapter in this planet's history books, actually. The affair appalls everyone at first – riots and everything – but the union becomes the basis for many mutually beneficial dealings between this people and their new queen's. Enough that it leads to a paradigm shift after a generation or so. Just in this country at first, but eventually the whole planet buys into the idea of tolerance when they see the benefits of the trade that can be had."

Jack said, "I believe it; nothing changes minds like money." There was a pause.

"I guess good change for the wrong reasons is still good."

"But is it wrong?" Jack countered. "Good business like that probably improved the quality of life for these people way faster than embracing actual tolerance did, since I'm sure that took a generation or five. I'd say it's more an issue of priority." Abruptly, he stopped speaking and walking, narrowing his eyes.

Rose looked away from him to see that, ahead of them, there stood an intimidating-looking person blocking the doorway of a shop into which they'd been wandering out of habit. The people of this planet were not very expressive that she could tell, but this one didn't seem happy.

"Closed, I take it?" the Doctor asked lightly. "Should have known from the- window." He gestured vaguely at the gritty shop front, which as far as Rose could see had no writing or symbols on it. "We'll just be along."

Though she let the Doctor steer her and Jack back to the road, Rose had to grumble, "Well, heaven forbid someone want to spend money in her shop. I suppose our currency smells funny or something?"

"It's not their fault, Rose. I've seen a lot of places like this; I'd bet you a week of tea duty that they've been specifically told not to trust aliens. With that and the out of the way location of this place, any actual off-worlders they've met have probably been people trying to con them out of resources or just real rough types. Miners, shippers, or mercenaries on their way somewhere else, blowing off steam on shore leave. What are they supposed to think?"

Just then, a short Kynthan dashed out of nowhere and plowed directly into Rose's legs. She kept her footing by using Jack to steady herself, but the kid stumbled back and sat straight down, wobbling in a manner reminiscent of a bowling pin.

"Sorry!" Once he stilled, he sprang up again, angling away, but Rose jumped forward and grabbed his arm.

"Not so fast, now. Give it back."

The small Kynthan dropped her wallet and turned away to bounce off. Rose smiled as she bent to retrieve it, making a note to thank Jack again for teaching her how to detect a pickpocket (no matter how much groping he'd snuck into the lessons). "Hey, you don't have to run; I'll get you something to-"

"What's going on here?"

At the sound of the new voice, both Rose and the kid froze in place, her bent part of the way toward her wallet.

The Doctor stepped forward. "It's nothing. These two just collided is all. Humans are clumsy, and the little one was in a hurry."

"Then did the short alien need to hurt that child's arm?" The Kynthan, larger than most others they had seen, stalked up to the group, arms swinging widely with each step. "We don't need fresh brutes and bullies in this neighborhood."

"Hey, ease up, guy. That child nicked my friend's wallet; she was just getting it back. It's over now, so let it go." Jack stepped up to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Rose and the Doctor.

"I didn't steal nothing!"

That and the kid dramatically clutching his arm where Rose had grabbed it were apparently all the new arrival needed. With a snort, he threw extra power into one of his swinging arms, aiming for Rose's middle at mind-boggling speed. She tried to dodge, but it was no good – except then Jack was there, shoving her to the ground and taking the hit himself. He crumpled; Rose rolled away and up and bee-lined to his side as the Doctor stepped forward, shouting.

* * *

><p>"Did you hear me? I said, I want to know where you've taken our friend. If you won't take me to him, at least tell me where he is and let me go. You can't keep us here; we haven't done anything!"<p>

"_I_might do something if you don't keep quiet! Your friend is in custody for assaulting a citizen, and as his accomplices, you will be silent and appreciate the generous room we've provided for you while you await questioning."

"Yeah, a pretty cell, thanks a lot. My friend needs medical attention, and only my other friend can provide it, unless you're hiding a human doctor somewhere behind your enormous ego." Rose's charm had run out some time ago, but if nothing she said could help her at this point, at least heckling was more satisfying than silence.

"Your friend will last until you can be questioned, I'm sure. Why don't you be like him and lay longways on the floor like an infant. Silently."

Rose kicked the door and huffed. "Oh, go sit in an alley and pray for a strike!" The thought of a giant bowling ball taking out a huddle of the pear-shaped alien guardsmen cheered her somewhat... until she turned around. Looking at Jack, she had to sigh.

He had been unconscious since before the planet's authorities had taken them, and she'd bet anything that brute had cracked or possibly broken several of Jack's ribs. The blow to his chest had been so hard, he'd blacked out during the fall and given his head an enthusiastic introduction to the unfriendly Kynthan street. His breaths came shallow, and a crinkle had permanently settled between his eyebrows. However, he didn't seem to be losing blood that Rose could tell, based on his color, and if any organs were in danger of further injury, undoubtedly they would have been damaged by the rough handling the Kynthians gave him on the way to this room, so there was that. If these people had claws on the end of those long, powerful arms, Rose didn't doubt his straits would be a lot more dire.

Could have been better, though. There were no beds or even chairs in the room, as there wouldn't be for a species that never lie down. Just sitting cushions with a flat middle, presumably where their feet would go while the cushion part supported the bulk of their bodies. Rose had piled them up as evenly as possible and pulled Jack onto the makeshift bed, and now she snuggled close to him to impart warmth. The building had air conditioning, and they had no blanket, of course.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten into a fight with that arse, or I should have been able to move out of the way quicker." Or he could have let her get hit. Now, even if she could crack the lock, the guard was too big for her, and she couldn't possibly carry Jack out – two things that wouldn't be so daunting if she had been the one injured. Jack could fell aliens twice his size and carry her to boot. But maybe not all the way to the TARDIS...

She sighed, carefully laying her head on his shoulder and placing an arm delicately over his stomach. She was scared to hold him too tightly.

* * *

><p>The Doctor grumbled to himself, wishing for a guard to harass or at least something to do. Sadly, he was empty-handed since his jacket (with sonic screwdriver) had been confiscated, and he was also completely alone. Even the brain trust who started the entire debacle had been placed in a cell a few floors above this one. A floor that, the Doctor had noted, had electricity. The lout would probably spend a night in the equivalent of a drunk tank, while he, the party who had only acted in defence, was taken down to an old, under-used portion of the prison that looked a lot like a dungeon. Cramped cells, firelight, and damp, rough-carved walls. Actually, that pretty much was a dungeon, wasn't it? There wasn't even room to lie down, just to sit or crouch.<p>

And what was worse, he had no idea what had become of his companions. That was simply unacceptable, doubly so with one of them injured. And he would do something about it, too, as soon as he found something on his person or in his vicinity to use as a lockpick.

* * *

><p>"The prince will see you now."<p>

"And about bloody time." Rose pressed a kiss to Jack's forehead and made for the door before the guard changed his mind. A few minutes later, she was in a plain room with no windows and just one door. A Kynthan with a blue belt waited there, and only he stayed with her when the door was closed. This was an interrogation room if she ever saw one, though it lacked obvious cameras or two-way mirrors, and her heart rate spiked at the thought.

"Please, sit." The prince gestured toward a sad little cushion before sitting on an altogether taller one, and though Rose disliked the idea of giving him even more of a height advantage, polite seemed a good way to start. So, she sat cross-legged, and the prince, though he stared in a manner suggesting he found the contortion startling, managed to refrain from commenting on her ungainly human legs.

"I hope you don't mind me saying this to start, Your Royal Highness, but this is all a big misunderstanding. We didn't mean any harm, nor did we hurt anyone, so please, just let us go, and you won't hear from us again."

The prince paused thoughtfully before speaking. "I don't doubt there is some amount of misunderstanding regarding the incident on the street, but surely you don't think I personally handle the interrogation of street ruffians?"

"Er, I... don't know."

"You are here, human, because you are not here."

Well, he had her there. She was terrible at riddles. "Come again?"

"Legally. Don't pretend ignorance with me, human; there is no docking record for any vessels carrying your kind, not right now, not anywhere on the planet."

"My name is Rose, and what, do you catalogue every species on every freighter that sniffs around this place?"

"Yes."

"...Well, our captain is awful at paperwork. You should see his taxes – not that he's not paying all of _your_taxes, but he doesn't – probably didn't record everything correctly. About his crew. And maybe his taxes, but I'm sure they're paid right." Yep. Smooooth. "If you just release us at the dock, we'll hide on board until we leave, and you'll never see us again."

Looking bemused, the prince answered, "I don't believe I can do that."

"Please, Sir. My friend back in the room they took me from is injured; he needs our other friend. He's a doctor, the one you separated from us. I know you don't get many humans here; your doctors won't do him any good."

Rather than answering, the Prince stood up and started to walk a circle around her.

Rose didn't much mind begging, but she did mind it a lot less when it worked. Biting back an aggravated growl, she asked, "Look, what will it take for you to let us go?"

"We know of your species, human-"

"Rose."

"-but we hardly ever see you in this city." She began to wish the royalty in this city was as direct as the street bullies.

"Tougher species do better than we do on the trading outskirts like the area this planet's in. Because we're so harmless. Definitely not worth the trouble to keep in gaol."

At that, he laughed. "Guardsman! Take our guest back to the holding room. Rose, I shall consider what you said. Should I decide to do as you ask, surely you won't mind leading my men to your legally-docked ship and its absentminded captain?"

"...'C-course not. Anytime you're ready." Damn. The pause had been too long, and Rose could read the prince's knowing, smug look even on horsey features.

"As I said, I shall consider."

* * *

><p>There was absolutely nothing available that could crack the lock on the Doctor's cell door. He actually had a small torsion wrench sewn into the leg of his trousers (a practice he'd begun after an incident similar to this one… and after discovering how awful it could be to run with a wrench in one's shoe), but there were no companions to ask for pins, no sturdy twigs, not even flooring to tear into splinters. Not that all of those options would have worked, but any one would be something to <em>try<em>instead of sitting here, vaguely wondering if his hair was too short to tear out. At least, to tear out in appreciable clumps.

"Hey."

The Doctor, who had been pressing his eyes deep into his skull with the heels of his hands, started so violently that he hit his head on the stone wall. "Agh- Who's there?" He squinted, then widened his eyes. "You!"

"Uh, hello." The little Kynthan that had stolen Rose's wallet now stood outside his cell, looking sheepish. The Doctor considered his position and bit back a scolding.

"How did you get down here?"

"My uncle is your guard. He didn't want to let me down here, but I told him I wanted to…"

"Mock the alien?"

"Yeah. But, actually, I wanna say I'm sorry. I just wanted to get away and not get in trouble again. I didn't think Grik would hurt your friend, or that the city guard were so close by."

The Doctor couldn't help but smile a little. "Yeah, our luck just goes that way. But I appreciate the apology. It's brave of you to come here and offer it. What's your name?"

"Sym'pec." He perked up, bouncing a little on his springy legs. "First daughter of Sam'pin, but people call me Peck." Oops, her springy legs.

"Nice to meet, you, Peck. I'm the Doctor. While you're down here, could I trouble you for some news? Do you know where they took my friends?"

Peck's face fell. "Oh. No, The-Doctor. My uncle didn't say, 'zactly, only that he couldn't get me in there. I didn't follow the city guards when they took you guys… I just ran when they came."

The Doctor nodded gravely. "They could be in be in trouble, you know." Or they could have been let go, since he was the one who had been caught shoving Grik.

"I guess so…"

"If I could escape from here, I could help them."

"Wouldn't they just be in more trouble if you got away?"

Drat, a precocious one. "Of course not! They can't be held responsible for helping me if they're stuck here somewhere can they? It would be impossible."

Peck scrunched up her features to think. "Yeah, okay, but how're you gonna get out?"

The Doctor grinned.

* * *

><p>"Urrrgh."<p>

"Jack!" Rose sat up to better look at his face, which was scrunched in pain.

"This is already not my best morning ever." He groaned, curling an arm over his belly but stopping short of his tender ribs. "Think I've had better ones in moose-man prison. And moose-man prison had antlers."

"How concussed are you? Jack, open your eyes." When he didn't do more than squint and shut them again, Rose gently pried open an eyelid to see a wickedly-dilated pupil. She let it go with a wince. "I need you to stay awake now. You can keep your eyes closed if you want; I even have pillows you can use to cover them. But stay with me."

"Rose?" Jack gave his head a shake and immediately regretted it, judging by his expression. Still, his next words sounded more coherent than before. "Where are we? Are you okay?"

She sighed, feeling just a little tension leech from her shoulders. "I'm fine, thanks to you. You took a nasty punch for me and then hit your head on the way down. The Doctor defended us and got arrested for it, though, and we're being held for questioning since there aren't any humans registered at this port or something."

"Lovely." Jack finally cracked an eye open.

Rose smiled for him. "Hello."

"Hello." He tried to smile and succeeded in grimacing. "Déjà vu inverted. Any other details?"

"Locked door, guard outside, and you're a mess. The prince of this place has been questioning me, but I have no idea what he's after. Can you walk?"

Jack's words came in low croaks, obviously an attempt to use as little air as possible and negate the need for deep breaths. "I think getting up is going to be the hard part. Just..." he took a breath, "-thinking about it's making me dizzy, never mind my ribs."

"Well, thank you. My hero." Rose kissed him gently, drawing out his first real smile since waking.

"Could I have a few more of those? They're not the best painkiller, but they're my favorite." Having to pause mid-sentence to slowly inhale didn't dim his charm at all.

"I don't want to get your heart beating too hard against those ribs." She delicately touched his side for emphasis, but not as delicately as she'd thought, because he let out a little grunt. "Oh god, sorry." She sat up, intent on pulling his head into her lap until the door opened.

"The prince will see you again."

Minutes later, Rose found herself in the same room as before, alone with the prince.

"Rose, welcome again." This time, he did not bid her to sit, instead walking right up close to her. "Did you have enough time to consider your position?"

"Ye... Well, I was tending to my sick friend. But I know what's going on." It wasn't a lie. Though she hadn't been able to read between all the lines in their last meeting, their parting shots were clear as day.

"Do you? Excellent. Then you know or suspect that I can have all three of you humans brought up on any number of unpleasant charges for being unregistered, and that's before any troublemaking in the street is considered."

"Yeah, I got that."

"And I sense that there's no legitimate ship and captain that can explain away all of this mess waiting at a nice, signed-and-paid-for dock."

Rose chose not to respond to that. They understood each other; now he just had to tell her what he wanted. There had to be something, or she'd be in gaol already.

"Listen, I hear humans are very... adaptable. And Kynthans are very discrete. Do you understand?"

She gave him a blank look. Great, another left turn into alien subtlety. She was good with people – really good, at times – but she was lost just now.

"I am asking that you carry out procreational activities with me, after which your friend will be freed. It will be as if nothing untoward had occurred at all, though it would behoove him to leave the planet soon after. Even the illegal docking of your vessel, wherever it may be, will be forgotten."

Rose's jaw dropped, eyes blinked, and legs staggered back a step. "Wh- Wha-!"

"I cannot speak more plainly than that."

"You're _blackmailing_me for sex!"

"Quiet!" The prince's huge hands grabbed her shoulders and pulled her closer. "Discretion, please. I am curious; you are in trouble. Think of it as a... mutually beneficial cultural exchange."

For a moment, their bodies too close, both people looked down and up each other's forms. Rose saw absolutely nothing she liked. On top of that, the lack of visible genitalia filled her with all kinds of unpleasant questions, though she knew from Jack that keeping such things hidden and safe was very common in non-humans. Mostly, though, the prince's sudden proximity and shockingly strong grip sent her whole nervous system on high alert, blood buzzing through her veins with tons of adrenaline.

"N...no," she managed to croak out.

The prince looked puzzled. "No? Hm, that's not what I expected. Well, go think again, just one more time. But I won't wait-"

A clatter. "Your Royal Highness!"

The prince abruptly released Rose, and she turned around to see someone immediately start talking as the door closed behind him. If he had given them an odd look when he came in, Rose missed it.

"Sir, the human prisoner has escaped."

"What?"

"I'm sorry; we haven't yet ascertained how he did it..."

Rose bit her lip to keep from grinning, right up until the prince turned a furious look on her.

"It would be conducive to your companion's well-being if you strongly consider my offer. And soon. If he's caught again, it is no piddling jail sentence that awaits him."


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Bad Hospitality  
><strong>Author:<strong> Shen  
><strong>CharactersPairings:** Nine/Jack/Rose, established relationship  
><strong>Rating:<strong> Teen  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Bad steering and worse luck land the Doctor, Jack, and Rose in three different shades of trouble. Can they all make it out together?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 7839 total  
><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Written for LJ User Wojelah in the Doctor Who Secret Santa Exchange, and thus is born from her prompts.

**Chapter Two**

While skulking through dank alleyways, the Doctor reflected on how thankful he was for his lifetimes of subverting innocent minds. Because of it, Peck hadn't taken much convincing to nick his coat back for him, not once he assured her that he would wait until she was long gone to make use of it. With any luck, the kid had been rustling up a good alibi, possibly making trouble for a neighbor, while he had made his escape.

Now, he had to check the TARDIS. While it was perhaps overly optimistic to hope his companions were waiting for him there, he could at least call Rose from the phone if they weren't.

He and Jack _really_ needed to get mobiles.

* * *

><p>"'Curious?' The prince is a kinky xenophile; that's wonderful."<p>

Rose scowled down at her lap, where Jack's head rested, even as she continued to comb her fingers through his hair. "It's not wonderful. I'm being _blackmailed_ for _sex._"

"Aw." Jack used the hand on his less-injured side to reach up and touch Rose's cheek. "It's alright. From the way you described it I don't think he'll force the issue. The Doctor's in more trouble than we are."

She placed a hand over his and squeezed it. "I know, but... I feel bad. You'd do it – in a heartbeat, if it meant getting the three of us off this planet safely. I bet you don't even get why I'm so weirded out by the idea of sleeping with a prince."

One corner of Jack's mouth curled up, but it didn't look much like a smile. "I thought we were over this idea that I'd do anything that moves."

"No! I mean, yes, damn, I'm sorry. That's not what I meant at all. I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt the Doctor and I. I just mean that, given the choice I have, it wouldn't be a big deal to you. Not outside worrying about my stupid, 21st century reaction."

"Honey, even in the 51st century, not everyone is as... open as me. And the ones that are, they do it because it's fun. It's about agency and not being judged, not about pressuring or hurting people. My rakish charm is more than I need and all I'll ever use. I would never look down on you because you won't do what you don't want to do in the bedroom. So don't worry, and do or don't do what you want, whether I understand it or not. I'll still respect the decision because it's yours." The long speech took something out of him, turning his skin paler and breaths shorter, but it made Rose smile.

"When you put it that way, I... that makes sense. Thank you."

"Welcome." Jack took his hand back, resting it on his belly and closing his eyes.

"Are you sure there isn't anything else I can do for..." Rose trailed off.

Jack cracked an eye open. "What is it?"

"Do you remember what the Doctor said? About a prince of this city taking an alien wife?"

There was a beat of silence. "He said that's years from now."

"He's only right about what time period we're in like half the time."

More doubtfully, Jack said, "And he said the prince and the alien fell in love."

"I'm sure that's what the history books will say regardless of what happens."

"But... marry? You wouldn't. And he wouldn't make you, right?"

It seemed absurd, but that fact didn't quell Rose's worry. "I've only spoken to him for like fifteen minutes total. And I wouldn't want to, but... there's nothing more important than the time line, Jack. We both know that. Better than most." They shared a deadly serious look.

Jack broke first. "No. No, don't worry about that. You were about to ask if you can do anything for me? You can escape. Leave me be and go to the TARDIS. With you and the Doctor free, with the intel you'll have between you, you can rescue me later. Make a run for it when the guards fetch you next."

"Jack." Rose put her hands on his cheeks, firmly framing his face. "Even if I could get away, what makes you think I could abandon you, injured, with people like this? Who knows what they'd do to you, or where they'd move you to? I'm staying until we can both get out. I'll convince them, or the Doctor will come for us."

Jack sighed. "Fine. But, please, if you see a clean opportunity to run, at least think about it. Don't waste it on my account."

"Deal." Rose didn't even try to lie convincingly.

* * *

><p>Empty TARDIS. It came as no surprise, but the Doctor still had to sigh. Undoubtedly he'd been spotted getting here, and parts of the neighborhood probably had it out for him, so leaving wasn't going to be easy unless he moved the ship. That itself carried a few risks, including the possibility that one or more companions could end up in the current alley in need of a ship and not find one. However, if they were able to get back here, he suspects he they would have already. At the very least, he'd have either seen or heard the commotion they would be making in the city by now.<p>

Weighing the pros and cons carefully, he eventually started putting in the dematerialization sequence and aimed for the part of town he'd just left. The TARDIS helped him locate a secluded enough alley, and then he picked up the phone.

* * *

><p>"So, Rose, have you carefully considered my offer? Your crafty friend is still eluding us, but it's only a matter of time."<p>

Bloody hell, what was she supposed to do? "I- Yes, I've considered. And it's a very attractive offer. Generous. But I'm in a relationship, so it takes a bit of extra thought."

"I was under the impression that humans did not restrict their mating to a set few partners."

"Well, some of us do; some of us don't. But if we are, er, for those of us that do, it's really cruel to sleep with someone besides your partner or partners."

"Is sleep part of the process? How long does it take for you humans, exactly?"

"Well, you don't actually _sleep_, that's-" Rose froze. Her phone was ringing – or vibrating, anyway. Either her mother had more awkward timing than usual, or the Doctor had reached the TARDIS.

"Yes?"

"-that's just a funny human way of putting it. I mean that we don't have sex with just anyone..." She continued to ramble. Time line troubles or no, the Doctor would sort it out when he got here. Until then, she would stall like it was her job.

* * *

><p>The Doctor left Rose a message, put down the phone, and managed to wait calmly for about five minutes.<p>

To hell with it. He had been out of contact with his companions for entirely too long already, and he had no way of knowing whether his escape had caused them any additional grief. So, he called Rose one more time, used the TARDIS to sync that signal to his sonic screwdriver, and put boots to pavement.

With his abundance of caution, it took quite a while to get anywhere. Still, there were actually off-worlders in the part of town where Rose's phone was, so he could try to blend in with gaggles of them whenever there were no empty streets to take. It helped. He did wonder why the public news screens he saw weren't broadcasting that the people's benevolent overlords had captured some dangerous aliens, or even that one was on the loose. He half expected to see his face on the big monitors, but there was nothing.

And so his luck held out until he reached the building that held the signal. Surveillance equipment, guard patrols, and an attractive fence stood between him and his goal. How was it possible that this place had better security than the _prison_he'd fled just a few hours earlier? There had literally just been locks and a code-secured elevator in his way then. Now, he had to wait and plan.

* * *

><p>"What? No, please, don't tell them to shoot him on sight! He's not dangerous, I promise! He's a doctor, a healer. Just let us go; you'll never see us again. I promise."<p>

"You do not seem to understand the urgency of the situation. If we do not resolve our deal before your healer causes another disturbance, it cannot _be_resolved. I will have no ability to officially deny his presence, and he will have to be dealt with accordingly. Your only chance is to convince me to let you go and stop him, or else you can hope he leaves quietly without you."

* * *

><p>After twenty minutes of standing around trying to eat some kind of foul fruit from a street vendor, the Doctor had memorized the guard patrol pattern. Some extensive wandering after that, he'd located a likely back entrance to the squat structure. He thought he could crack the door alarm to keep it from going off. Cameras could be dodged. The only remaining problem was the fence. He could cut it, but the hole would be obvious, so likely he'd only have one shot at rushing into the building. He could only hope that the lack of a blaring door alarm would keep the guards searching the grounds for a while before they bothered checking indoors.<p>

Plan settled in his mind, he hid behind a garbage receptacle to wait. Aaaand... time!

The Doctor dashed from his hiding place and across the alarmingly open terrain between it and the fence. Standing at what he thought was a camera blind-spot, he sonicked exactly half the cuts he would need from the fence, as cleanly as possible so it would still look intact. Then, he ran back to the receptacle with plenty of time to wait until the guards next rounded the corner.

And waited. And waited. And, now!

He ran twice as fast this time, with three times as much to accomplish before the guards rounded the corner again. These cuts weren't as neat as the first, but they felled the fancy pickets well enough. Ducking through the hole in the fence, the Doctor took a semicircular path to the door to skirt as much of the camera coverage as he could. He hit it sonic-blazing, forcing the lock undone as he got within touching range.

Luck directed his attention to the alarming device almost immediately, but it took longer than he'd hoped to find a signal capable of fooling the door-contacts into believing they weren't actually separated from the door. Still, he found it, started emitting it, grabbed the large handle, and almost hurt his arm wrenching at the deadlock.

Damn! The guards were due around the corner in exactly 20 seconds, give or take 4. He MIGHT make it to his hiding place in that time, but he'd never get near this door again with an obvious hole in the fence. His hearts galloped against his ribcage, and the distracting feeling of uncertainty in the time line niggled at the back of his mind. It was make or break time for this plan.

In a split-second, he made his choice and kicked at the door violently. It budged but didn't break, so he adjusted his aim and kicked again. Part of the wood frame tore as the door flew open, a thin deadlock bar extending from its side. The Doctor leapt inside without hesitation, shoved the door closed behind him, and looked around. The sound of heavy footsteps was already headed his way, and there was little hope the owner wouldn't notice the mangled door frame when he or she got here. The Doctor ducked into the nearest, thankfully-empty room and recalled the signal belonging to Rose's mobile. If he had any luck left over at all, it would actually be on her person and not in some lonely evidence locker.

* * *

><p>Jack had seldom felt as useless as he did now. It hurt to breathe, Rose had been gone for a peculiarly long time again, his head was pounding, the Doctor had been out of contact for entirely too long, and he thought he might puke if he stood up. Just the thought was giving him mild vertigo.<p>

His main resource at the moment seemed to be the ability to lie here and crack wise. To no one. It would probably hurt too much to yell loud enough to be heard by the guard outside.

Suddenly, the door opened.

"Rose?" Jack lifted his head and was shocked to see the Doctor looking down at him with dismay.

"Sorry I'm not the pretty face you were expecting, Captain."

"Doctor! How did you get in here?"

The other man negligently gestured with a rounded, hand-held communication device. "I found a stash of these while I was hiding from the guards here. Your babysitter is on a wild goose chase. Where's Rose? Are you alright?"

Jack gave him as swift a rundown as he could while being assisted to a seated position. At the end, the Doctor gave him the most profoundly confused look Jack had ever seen on his face.

"You two thought she was the alien I was talking about?"

Being addressed with that tone made Jack feel a lot stupider about the idea than he had five minutes ago. "Well, you didn't specify the species. And humans are the most flexible ones around this part of space, as far as I know. We had to consider it."

"Well, you can stop. I promise you, no."

"Well then go get her, Doctor! I can wait a little longer, but who knows what kind of pressure that royal idiot is putting on her on our account right no-"

"Oh, look, Pil'dok! The intruder caught himself for us." The Kynthan speaker, a guard, jovially shoved Rose into the room as he looked at his companion, bouncing a little. Their combined bulk eclipsed the door. "We never get this lucky!"

"Oh, that's it," Jack complained. "I am never leaving the ship without my blaster again. I don't care where I have to hide it."

A minute of gloating later, the Kynthan gleefully shut and locked the door, then left his friend to guard it while he walked off, talking into his communication device.

The freshly-confined trio had been watching in silence, but now the Doctor spoke, "I don't know where he's going-"

Rose interrupted, "Probably to tell the prince in person how he caught you."

"-but this is probably as good as the going is going to get. Rose, help me with Jack. And are you alright?"

"Yeah. Just... a little freaked out, but I can save it. And since I haven't mentioned it yet, I am glad to see you." She stole a quick kiss from the Doctor before stationing herself under Jack's arm. Just as he'd predicted earlier, getting up was the hardest part and involved gasping against nausea and pain. Once standing, however, he found himself capable of walking with just a small amount of assistance; there was nothing wrong with his legs.

"Gonna use the communicator again?" Jack asked.

"Can't. Last time, they thought I'd knocked out a guard who'd left his receiver on, and they 'overheard' me implying I was on the other side of the building. This one can just turn and look in the window to see we're still here, and I can't sound enough like a Kynthan to give him or anyone else fake orders." The Doctor stepped away from the humans.

"I hate this," he muttered even as he went to the door, sonicked the lock, and swung it inward. Before the guard could react, the Doctor wrapped an arm around his neck and placed the sonic screwdriver against his head. "Don't shout! This weapon is extremely sensitive. If you startle me and make me set it off, you'll have a hole in your head the size of your eye."

Pil'dok simply froze. So did Jack, unused to seeing the Doctor even _act_like he had a gun.

"Good man. I won't hurt you, so don't worry. All I want is a head start. You can tell your bosses I hit you in the head with something, if they question the delay. Got it?"

"G-got it."

The Doctor walked the Kynthan forward a few steps, then jerked his head to indicate that his friends should get moving. When they were halfway down the hall, he let Pil'dok go and joined them. "Run!"

It was more of a pained lope in Jack's case, but it was enough to get them from room to previously-locked room between the patrols rushing through the halls. In the end, though, Jack and Rose were left in a closet. After some whispered conversation, of course.

"I'm going to move the TARDIS to the grounds, as close to the door as possible. Rose, when I call you, you two need to start moving immediately. Don't even answer it; just go. These halls are one thing, but we'd never outrun these people on the open ground outside."

Rose asked, "Won't there be a door guard?"

"...You're right. I'll sneak out a window, and on the way, I'm going to plant a com unit somewhere. The guard will hear me down one hallway and run to catch me; you'll come from the other hallway and make for the door." He pulled two of the rounded devices from his cavernous pockets, turned them on, and fiddled with the settings, presumably to put them on a different channel than the one used by the rest of the guards.

Jack couldn't help but comment, "This is completely mad, you know."

For just a moment, the Doctor's serious visage brightened to a manic grin. "Do we do it any other way? Don't worry about me; these people are remarkably unobservant for what I think used to be a prey species."

"Well," Rose joked, "we're remarkably uncoordinated for a species that used to swing in trees."

"Ha! True. Well, wish me luck." And with no further ado, he listened at the door, took a peek, and dashed into the hallway.

* * *

><p>Later, Rose and the Doctor stood at Jack's bedside in the infirmary. She held his hand as the Time Lord administered some drugs for the concussion and began mending Jack's rib area.<p>

"Oh... hell yes," moaned Jack. The chill numbness sweeping his chest was a vast improvement over the stabbing, agonizing feeling of trying to run with cracked ribs. Through danger, no less, which had further ratcheted up his breathing.

"If the infirmary equipment can make you sound like that, should I be jealous?" Rose grinned at him cheekily.

Jack returned it. "It's a one-time thing. She means nothing to me! Don't you know only you can make me sound like that over and over again?" He looked at the Doctor, who had quirked a brow at him as he worked. "Well, you and him."

Rose snorted. "I've heard that one before. Except the 'and him' part, anyway. Next thing I know, you'll be chatting up the toaster."

"Kinky."

"Is that all you two think about?" groused the Doctor as he put the medical device away.

"You like it," teased Rose. "But, um... Doctor?"

"Hmm?"

"Is everything okay? With the planet? Jack and I, we were worried about mucking up the time line."

"Well, I can't be sure, but we may have instilled a near-mythic distrust of humans in those people. Or not, depends how the story gets passed along."

"Oh..."

"But don't worry about it. When the defining event I told you about does come to pass, it'll lead to good relations with humans in the long run."

Rose asked, "So, is it or isn't it a human that a Kynthan prince marries?"

"Nope! Guess what race his bride actually is."

Rose shrugged and looked at Jack, who also shrugged.

"Raxicoricofallapatorian."

"What?" Rose exclaimed while Jack looked puzzled. "Slitheen? But they're mean and gassy!"

"_They_ aren't gassy; that was their human suit technology. And I told you the Slitheen are only one family from that planet. Why are you surprised? Surely you can see that a Raxicoricofallapatorian would be more aesthetically pleasing to a Kynthan than a human. Round belly, long arms, legs built for a bounding run?"

Rose put her face in her hands. "Bad, bad mental images. I was traumatised enough today, don't you think?"

Jack sat up and pulled her into his arms, chuckling. "It's alright. At least you didn't do anything you'd regret, right?"

"You're right. Still, I had to lead him on as long as I could, since I was trying to keep him from issuing a shoot-on-sight order for you, Doctor."

That made sense. She likely kept the prince going until he was told of the Doctor's actual break-in, at which point she was shuttled out the door and back to their holding room.

The Doctor asked, "Are you really alright?"

"Hmm, you know, I'm not so sure. I might need some extra snuggling to feel safe tonight."

On cue, Jack held her closer and rubbed his cheek against hers like a cat, drawing out a giggle.

"I think we can manage that as long as you tell me about these Slitheen sometime."

END


End file.
